Speaking Tips

In this archive of past tips-of-the-month, you'll find answers to client questions, unique practice ideas, book recommendations, and links to some of our favorite outside resources. Feel free to browse!

Category: Practice

Category:

Bottom line: communication skills are critical to your success, whether you’re talking about developing collegiality within your department or preparing yourself for the next step up the corporate ladder. This CIO.com article, although geared toward executives, offers good advice for tuning up your skills no matter what your level or focus.

Included in the writer’s top six tips is one we promote in our live trainings and encourage all our clients to do: put yourself on tape! Videotaping yourself in action gives you the opportunity to self-assess what’s coming across in your communication style and identify what skills you need to practice in order to project the best image of yourself.

Explore the article for in-depth detail on these top-six tips for expertly tuning your communication:

  1. Drop the jargon. Learn the lingo of other departments and practice speaking their language
  2. Learn what your audience values.
  3. Consider how you say what you say (i.e. tone, pacing, etc).
  4. Know your audience and keep your message simple.
  5. Go beyond listening; ask questions and follow up.
  6. Rehearse important messages and put yourself on tape so you can evaluate your own communication skills.
Category:

In our workshops, we often hear “I wish my kids were learning these skills in school.” We couldn’t agree more. We love bringing SpeechSkills training to young people and we see the impact strong communication skills have on their potential to succeed in the real world.

School 21, a remarkable public school in London, has made “oracy” a primary focus of everything they do. Teachers support students in finding their voices, expressing differing opinions politely, and challenging one another’s thinking.

If you want to jumpstart these skills at home, try applying some of School 21’s communication principles to conversations between you and your kids:

  • Invite everyone to contribute to the conversation. At School 21, teachers believe that “a silent classroom means untapped voices.” The same can be said about a silent dinner table!
  • Give proof of listening to whoever is speaking. In other words, demonstrate that you are listening to your child by keeping your body language engaged and attentive.
  • Come to a shared agreement. Even if your child has a differing opinion than you, try to communicate your common ground. What do you agree on in the face of disagreement?

Make sure to check out this article featured on KQED News about School 21, to learn more about how they elevate speaking to the same level as reading and writing. And, make sure to watch the videos, which show the students working their skills in all of their face-to-face interactions.

Category:

“What is the best way to handle interruptions?” That’s a question our workshop participants often ask.

At SpeechSkills, we encourage people to first check in with the nonverbal signals they’re sending while in speaker mode. If your body language lacks energy or doesn’t fully convey that you are in command of the conversation, people are a lot more likely to interrupt you. Make sure to keep your energy up, your posture strong, and your eye contact connected (even when you’re pausing to gather your next thought). These nonverbal signals will help convey a clear message that you still have more to say and are not inviting others to jump in.

This article from the Harvard Business Review has some thoughts on the topic too. Not only does author Francesca Gino explore the reasons why interruptions are so common, she also offers these three ways to handle the issue:

  • Preview what you plan to cover and make it clear at what point you’ll be inviting feedback or questions
  • Address communication norms with your whole group to set ground rules
  • Talk with the interrupter privately if it’s a consistent problem
Category:

Most of us go through life trying our best. Could this attitude be holding us back?

In his illuminating Ted Talk, Eduardo Briceño explains how the most effective people deliberately alternate between two zones: the Learning Zone and the Performance Zone.

In the Learning Zone, our goal is to improve — we expect to make mistakes, knowing we will learn from them. In the Performance Zone, our goal is to execute at our best, working hard to minimize mistakes. The Learning Zone maximizes our growth while the Performance Zone maximizes our immediate performance. However, in competitive business and educational environments, we are often required to spend our time in chronic high-stake high-performance mode which hinders our growth, and ironically, over the longterm, also our performance.

The solution, Briceño suggests, is to find “low-stakes islands in an otherwise high-stakes sea.”

At SpeechSkills, we emphasize the importance of practicing communication skills in very low-risk settings – like chatting with the barista at the coffee bar, or having lunch with friends, or interacting with the vendor at the farmer’s market. By practicing in these low-stakes environments, your skills become habits that follow you in the door for your high-stakes conversations.

Category:

A recent study conducted by Harvard Business Review (HBR) revealed that if you want to remove the career-limiting habits standing between you and your success, the best thing to do is to "take control of the things that control [you]."

In this article,"Trick Yourself Into Breaking A Bad Habit," HBR points out that the people who take control of the tempting factors influencing their bad habits, are much more likely to eliminate their bad habits altogether.

For example, if you want to eat less junk food, keep junk food out of the house. By manipulating the distance between you and the source of your bad habit, you will inevitably change your behavior.

If you want to develop a more positive attitude about significant changes in your company, spend more time with those "leading the charge" and less time with those "forming the opposition." By surrounding yourself with people who support a good behavior and distancing yourself from those who reinforce a bad one, you are more likely to cultivate the mindset you desire.

If you know you need to run through a speech or presentation before your big moment, schedule practice time into your calendar as you would any other mandatory work commitment. By making practice time a default plan, you will eliminate the choice standing between you and the better prepared version of yourself.

Lastly, we tend to think of our ineffective behavior as the result of not trying to change our ways, rather than the result of not knowing how to change our ways. This is problematic thinking because we are less inclined to change our behavior when we feel less competent at doing so. HBR points out that you can't simply "psyche yourself into changing; rather, coach yourself into it." Schedule incremental, structured practice sessions so that you can improve your competence and eventually become more authentically motivated. The better you become at the behavior you are trying to change, the more engaged you will become with that transformation. And this makes sense because the more clearly you can see the vista ahead as you're climbing up a mountain, the more likely you are to keep climbing so that you can see the full view.

At SpeechSkills, we agree wholeheartedly with these strategies for shedding bad habits and acquiring new skills. By removing tempting distractions, surrounding yourself with positive people, scheduling in default practice time, and seeing your road to change as a process of "systematic skill acquisition," you are much more likely to stay motivated in your quest to become the most effective version of yourself.

Category:

When you feel self-conscious, it's easy to overreact to your every mistake. If you trip over a word, you might apologize ("Sorry!"), make a joke ("No more coffee for me"), or resort to nonverbal reflexes like shaking your head or shrugging your shoulders. The problem with this "self-commenting" is your external preoccupation with your internal criticism. Mistakes happen; simply correct them without comment and move on.

Fast Tip: Fictionary is a game where players compose fake definitions of obscure words taken from the dictionary. Play it with your friends or family as a fun way to learn to ignore your inner critic.

Category:

Gather a group of friends together for a dinner party with the intention of focusing on your eye contact. Your friends don't need to know this is your objective, but what a perfect low-risk situation to give this skill some attention.

A group of four to six is the perfect size: large enough to practice, but small enough so people won't pair up into smaller conversations. If possible, arrange to sit at a round table so everyone can easily look at everyone else. During the meal, try to work in a story or two about your day or some adventure you've taken, all the while keeping your eyes on their eyes. Even when listening, focus your eyes on whoever is speaking.

By the way, you don't have to wait for a special event. If you typically have meals with family or colleagues, you already have practice opportunities built into your regular routine.

Category:

Thanksgiving dinner, reunions, and birthday parties… We set these times aside to visit and catch up on what’s happening in each other’s lives. They are also great times to practice your communication skills. When it’s your turn to tell what you’ve been doing, keep your attention on your listeners by actively trying to elicit a response. Choose a story from your professional or personal life that’s detailed enough to keep you talking for a couple of minutes. While you’re speaking, do everything you can to get their heads to nod, as if to say, “Hum, that’s interesting. I’m listening.” How? Start by really looking at them. Then, play up the interactive gestures: reach out, change your expressions, raise your eyebrows, nod your head. In short, ask them with your body language, “Is this coming across? Are you with me?” Secretly count how many times people nod back at you if you nod toward them.

If you actively raise the level of your communication, your listener will respond by being more involved. Don’t wait for a special occasion to test this exercise. Try it tonight at dinner.

Category:

One of the biggest obstacles to developing new habits is simply remembering to practice. We may have every intention of developing stronger posture, optimal volume, or better eye contact, but when we become immersed in our everyday business, we forget to focus on these things. The MotivAider can help. This small device about the size of a pager is worn on your belt or in your pocket. Periodically, it will emit a 2-second vibration to remind you to focus on whatever habit you are trying to develop. You can set it to go off at standard intervals or randomly. For example, if you are working on posture, you can set it to go off every 10 minutes to remind you to straighten your spine. Many of my clients have used it with great success. Check it out at Tools for Wellness.

Category:

One reason good posture sends a message of strength is that it actually takes strength! So take a field trip to the gym and develop your personal power through weight training, yoga, or Pilates. The time you invest will be well worth the effort. In the animal world, the strongest, healthiest specimens lead the pack.

Category:

Part of developing effective eye contact is learning the choreography of looking around the room and holding eye contact for 3-5 seconds. To practice, try this drill. You can do this exercise standing or seated.

Put Post-it® notes on the walls of your office or living room, give yourself an impromptu question and hold your eyes on each note for 3-5 seconds while answering. Try not to follow a pattern. Practice engaging the entire room. Once you've mastered this exercise, it's still helpful to use it when preparing for an upcoming high-stakes presentation.

If you do this exercise while practicing your material, you're much more likely to keep your energy focused outward when the big day arrives.

Category:

My 9-month old Labradoodle was a star student in obedience training. In my living room she can sit, stay, come, lie down, take it, leave it and drop it. However, when I take her to the dog park, she becomes so excited by the other dogs that she goes completely deaf. She doesn’t even know her name.

This experience happens to humans, as well. Sitting at our desks, or in the comfort of our personal space, we are experts in our subject matter and can easily articulate the nuances of our field. But, lead us to the boardroom, or the podium, and we can’t manage to form a simple sentence.

My dog trainer will tell me that my dog doesn’t own those skills until she is reliable in all circumstances. I need to train her with distractions.

It’s so easy for us to convince ourselves that we “own” our skills when we can do them so easily under the perfect conditions. Then, we berate ourselves if we under perform when it counts.

Part of being at your best every time, is to raise the bar on your training. You need to be so comfortable, so habitual that even distractions won’t pull you off your game.

Category:

Surprise! You’ve been elected to give a presentation on your area of expertise, but you have very little time to prepare. Here are three quick steps for organizing your ideas when time is short.

1) Identify your core message. Come up with a 15-second sound-bite that defines your key point. It’s vital that you start with your bottom line.

2) Brainstorm the questions on their minds. Rather than brainstorming what you want to tell them, ask yourself, “what do they want to know?” This will keep you from needlessly giving background that no one cares about, or missing a crucial point that’s obvious to you but new to them.

3) Organize the above questions into a logical progression. Most people find it easier to answer a series of questions than to launch into a speech. If you are short on time, just organize the questions. Trust yourself, you know the answers.

Category:

Every time I attend a networking meeting, we mingle for 20 minutes or so before the meeting gets rolling. What a great place to practice my elevator pitch! At some of the meetings, we take turns standing up and introducing ourselves to the rest of the group. It’s the perfect low-risk public speaking opportunity.

Whether you are working on specific skills (eye contact, optimal volume, being more expressive) or trying to find the perfect words to describe what you do, you’ll have plenty of chances to practice at a networking event. You may even find a new client!

Category:

Most corporate voicemail systems will allow you to play back your message and, if necessary, re-record it by hitting the star key. The next time you leave a voicemail message, play it back to evaluate the strength of your voice, your pace and articulation. Is your message concise and free of filler words? Is this a message that represents you well? This is a great way to get immediate feedback on your skills and correct a voicemail that may not be up to par.

Category:

Choose one of the 3 fundamentals - strong posture, strong voice, or strong eye contact - and give it some intentional focus during your lunch break. When you are standing in line to order your sandwich, balance your weight and elongate your spine. When you speak to the cashier, use optimal volume. When you are sitting at the table chatting with friends and colleagues, focus on the duration of your eye contact.

It doesn't matter if the setting is formal or informal, improvement happens when you practice on purpose!

Want to learn more?